Edna Florence Farley 8th April 1930
Eulogy by John William Spencer Farley

I would first like to say a quick heart felt thankyou to Canon Simon Everett and Albert Marsh Funeral Directors who have seamlessly facilitated and arranged both Mums funeral and this service. I also would like to thank you all for attending Mums funeral. The respect is very much appreciated.

One final word of thanks must go to Mary Appleton who as good friend to both Mum and Dad has provided unceasing help and support either by way of shopping, routine visits or health monitoring updates that’s particularly over the period of the last five years when both Mum and Dads health declined relatively quickly. In many ways along with the Altogether Care visits it was this kind of support that enabled them both to remain resident in their own home something that was sacrosanct to them both.

So what about my Mum, she was born in Wool Dorset as Edna Florence Moore on the 8th April 1930 to parents John William and Edna Alberta Moore and was the elder sister to her brother Victor Moore. They lived as a close knit family in a cozy, old world stone cottage at 33 Duck Street. Duck Street was at that time largely made up of thatched “chocolate box” style cottages. Had they survived a 1960’s rebuilding mania they would now be Grade 1 listed buildings.

In this simple, peaceful, and secure environment Mum grew up. There were no Ensuite facilities in number 33. The bathroom consisted of a tin bath in front of the Kitchen Aga and the toilet a run up the garden path to the outhouse. As a young child I recall negotiating the outside toilet with its toilet paper thread on a piece of string and its many large resident spiders who appeared to keep a beady eye on you whilst you carried out your business.

My list of happy memories is endless and I know Mums, much greater and more comprehensive memories were no less happy, contented or peaceful.

Raised and growing up in a very different era, when the accumulation of more and more wealth particularly at the expense of any other concern was seen as neither right or wholesome Mum appreciated the value of money and was frugal but did not covert wealth at the expense of mental health or wellbeing. She possessed a very strong moral compass and clearly knew right from wrong and with her Christian beliefs used these as her road to what was a long and virtuous life.
I often hear her words of wisdom such as “You can have all the money in the world but if you haven’t got your health then you haven’t got anything”. Who can argue the Sentiment

As was the norm in the 1940’s, Mum left School at the age of fourteen and went on to work in Williams Bakery, Wool. The Name and Bakery survives to this day and is no doubt testament to the quality of its produce and reflects on the stoic nature of the locals who were born and raised in Wool.

As Mums teenage years were coming to an end, and with thanks to Mums friend Beryl Farley, Mum got to meet a certain Mr Dennis Farley, who happened to be visiting his Mother and Sister in Swanage. As a result of this encounter Dads visits to Dorset became ever more frequent and it came as no surprise that on the 25th March 1950 Edna Florence Moore married Dennis Spencer Farley at the Holy Rood Church in Wool.

Mum married at 19 years of age and without any fuss or drama took on the role of a Wife and subsequently Mother, tasks she proudly carried on for the next 73 years. In summary she was very much a classic role model 1940’s / 1950’s house wife tending every facet of household management that’s from cooking, cleaning, making beds, dress and curtain making.

As part of her enthusiasm for Motherly tasks I recall her enrolling in a Cordon Bleu Cookery course this introduced the Farley family to French, Indian and Chinese cookery, very much out there for the 1960’s 1970’s family. This led me to love what some less forward thinking friends would call “Foreign Muck”. How wrong their words have proved to be.
Throughout the years of school and early days of my working life whenever I returned home I could always be sure that
• Beds would be made and all household chores complete
• We would have clean clothes ready to wear
• There would be a hot cooked meal to eat
• We would have a clean, safe and loving home and
• If I was looking for any form of guidance it would be provided.
All Mums of tasks were supplied without favour or condition.
I believe she saw it as her ordained duty to run, maintain and organize the family home and as a housewife she readily accepted her duties such as being a caring mother, a diligent homemaker, and usually obedient wife. In all the years of living at home I never heard her moan, complain or get tired of carrying out an endless list of domestic duties. Thou sometimes her frustrations would be vented vocally with a loud “well why on earth did you do it that way” or a “well if you haven’t learnt your lesson by now don’t come running to me” .
There was always the one liner!

As a child growing up, I always saw Mum as being the person in whom I could confide all my childhood worries and problems. She was always available to listen and offer sound advice and support. She was always the parent to whom I would go to first, and when necessary, comfort me with a “don’t worry about your Father I will talk to him “or after a poor set of school grades “Well if you’re going to end up a Dustman you could at least try and be the Supervisor”.

Although I don’t believe she ever really thought herself as being academically clever for somebody who left school at 14 years of age I do believe her common-sense, sound judgement and logical way of thinking belied somebody who given the opportunity of a better education could have gone much further academically than she would ever have thought possible. She certainly was no fool.

One of the very many things I can thank Mum for teaching me was learning how to tell the time. I recall the day when Dad who was outside fixing the car, with much frustration and growing anger asked me what the ruddy time was.. I stood there staring back with a blank look on my face with Dads response “don’t you now anything”? go and ask your Mother”. Once I had conveyed the answer back to Dad, Mum took hold of me sat me down at the Kitchen table and said “Right Master Farley you are going nowhere until you have learnt to tell the time” With all the expertise and patience of a University Lecturer within an hour Mum had taught me how to tell the time!

So should anyone want to know the right time I can report, Mickey Mouses big hand has just passed his ear, and his little hand is near the tip of his tail.

In line with Mums deeply engrained maternal instincts I recall playing a family game of Pictionary, taking it in turns to sketch a drawing whilst the others then shouted out what they thought the hidden word was, when it came to Mums turn the group spent many minutes trying to decipher the hidden word on Mums well drawn drawing of a washing line of clothes, The guesses include Clothes, Vest, Pants, Socks, Trousers, Shirts, Washing line, Posts, Windy Day, on and on went the wrong guesses. It was only after some time with no one having guessed correctly. Mum gave us the answer, “Its Monday” everybody does the Washing on a Monday!

As my sister and I grew older, married, and had families of our own, Mum with relish and delight welcomed the prospect of caring for Grand Children. I recall juggling school holiday calendars around Mum, Florence and our working lives. With Elaine and Richard dispatched to Wareham for the week Florence and I would be assured that the children would be loved, safe, entertained and cared for and that we at the weekend could stop over for a refreshing weekend break.
Along with building camps in the garden going to the beach in St Oswalds Bay, Swanage and Weymouth. We all as a family recall enjoying the long walks and pub lunches out to likes of Hounds Tout, Corfe Castle, Arne, Kimmeridge and Wareham Forest.
On the seemingly few rainy days Nan would divert the children’s energies with creative art work. This ranged from using paints and crayons to sculpting with paper mâché. A recently found scroll of artwork verifies their efforts. Pictures of Sally the Seagull, Polly Parrot, Bruno and Bwana in the Dessert, and Sharkie. along with several decoupage clad wine bottles remain as testament to those activities.

I know for a fact that both Elaine and Richard have very fond memories of Wareham school holiday visits and have asked to say a few words after me. I will therefore move on and leave them to recount their stories.

Thou Mum spent all of her married life proudly fulfilling the role as the home-based house wife a small fridge magnet which can be found attached to the fridge door very much summed up the reality of Mum & Dads relationship. Here I quote, “The opinions expressed by the Husband of the house are not necessarily those of the Manager”. Mum was without any doubt the Manager. That said after their 70 years of Marriage who am I to cast judgment !

In more recent times with the ongoing stressful demands of Dads declining health and her own declining mental and physical limitations I do believe she found nearly all her former routine tasks difficult if not impossible to carry out and in a state of subconscious denial she saw absolutely no need to seek any outside help, support or assistance. For Mum seeking any form of assistance was a sign of weakness and embarrassment and was something she fought to the end. In summary she would just quip, “Well it’s all part of life’s journey and you just have to get on with it”.

I’m reminded of an old Poole Pottery tray which sat for many years in the bathroom, inscribed on it were the words “Do the work that’s nearest thou seems dull at whiles helping when you meet them lame dogs over stiles” I believe those words are a fitting epitaph to Mum.

For 70 years Mum was very active in the Church and its community, she was actively a Nursery Assistant , Sunday School Teacher, involved with the Young Wives, Mothers Union, Flower Arranging, Bible class study groups, Over 60’s Sunshine Club, and Charity support work for the likes of Oxfam, Shelter and Christian Aid.

In Frimley she provided regular social visits to elderly people and spent several years at the Frimley Hospital visiting seriously sick children with the simple aim of providing love and support. She has a very long history of assisting with the running of Fetes, Jumble sales and charitable events that’s in Wool, Southgate, Frimley and Wareham.

Both parents have always been strong, honest and very hard working. Good virtues I believe, they have nurtured and passed down the family line.

With the benefit of hindsight, I believe Mums battle with Dementia probably began 5 to 10 years ago and looking back at out of character behavior was the early tell, tell signs of what was to become her Achilles heel.

In her last few months it was sad to see her physical deterioration and progressive loss of memory particularly in association with her family whom she cherished greatly.

We loved her very much and will miss her greatly, That said we take solace that she has escaped the misery of Dementia and now resides at peace with her lifelong partner Dad.

God bless and thank you very much.